Brad Brown

I’ve discovered an excellent service called XtraNormal, which allows you to create animated videos using scripts of your own design. I’d like to share a portion of my magnum opus “Brad in Real Life” with you. This movie is based on my best selling article, “How to Make $31,482 in One Week Using My Secret Method.” I encourage you to go to XtraNormal now (not tomorrow!), create a video, and share the link to your creation in the comments section below.
 

Photos courtesy of Scragz
 
Fade in, begin scene one:
 

Interior - The Brown’s Mobile Home in East Alabama - Night

 
DeWayne bursts through the trailer door, holding a fine bottle of Merlot, to find Lurlene lounging on the carpet.

DeWayne - Damn woman! Why ain’t you got my dinner done? You know I worked a double at the Kia plant!
Lurlene - But baby, Oprah had Doctor Oz on and he wuz sayin’ I should try meditation to relieve my stress. I wuz just meditating.
DeWayne - Western Buddhist Order or Kuei-Feng?
Lurlene - Kuei-Feng.
Dewayne (slapping Lurlene) - That’s no excuse woman. I want fried chicken!
 
Lurlene lurches up off her haunches and angrily grabs Dewayne by the genitalia.


Lurlene - I’ve got your fried chicken, ya’ bastard. What’s my name?
DeWayne - Oh Lurlene, puh-leeze let go. Uncle Bob and the twins never meant you no harm.
 
Lurlene releases her firm grip on DeWayne’s genitalia and quickly rises to her feet.


Lurlene - I’m tired of being your slave, DeWayne. All I do is cook, clean, and engage in sexual relations. I think Schopenhauer said it best when he said “Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world.” I want more than this, DeWayne.
DeWayne - I would counter with the words of Jesus Christ, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord,” or more specifically, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
 
Begrudgingly, Lurlene turns from DeWayne, grabbing her trusty Dyson DC07 All-Floors Cyclone Upright Vacuum Cleaner.


Lurlene - I suppose you’re right, DeWayne. You work so hard to give me this mobile home, and that there TV, and this here vacuum cleaner. Why don’t you take my Avon money on the coffee table and go buy us some KFC?
DeWayne - I’m glad you’ve come to your senses, girl. Show your man some respect.
 
DeWayne turns to take the money from the coffee table and exits, bottle of Merlot still in hand. Moments later, we hear him driving away in the El Camino. Lurlene, with visible camel toe, powers on the vacuum, turns to the camera, and gives a soliloquy. Unfortunately, her words are drowned out by the vacuum. Subtitles are the only way for the viewing audience to determine what she’s saying.


Lurlene - I supposed it would have been different had I stayed in cosmetology school, but alas, the lure of strong drink and frequent sex were too much for such a weak-minded girl. I’ve never ventured more than five miles from the trailer park, and I’m not sure I want to. Thankfully, I can live vicariously through the Avon catalog and Lifetime television. For me, that’s all I need.
 
Fade Out, End Scene One.