Brad Brown

Any similarity between fiction and reality is purely intentional.
 

Brad and the Coffee Machine

Brad, in the course of his wanderings, came into the cafeteria. As he glided over the floor, he came upon a coffee machine standing there. After inserting coinage, coffee was not dispensed. In a rage, he turned upon the machine and tried to rock it back and forth. He could do no harm to the machine, and had soon to give over his wrath.
 
Moral of the story: There were roaches living in the coffee machine, so it wasn’t too much of a loss.
 

United Way and the Supervisor

The United Way representative came into the meeting room one day with a bucket in his hand, and he begged all the employees to make a small donation. The employees were fearful and each gave him five dollars. What did the United Way rep do but funnel the money into a fund to help undocumented workers obtain white-collar jobs. Eventually, the employees saw how foolish they had been in giving their enemy the means of destroying themselves.
 
Moral of the story: Pretty soon, the only jobs left will be in landscaping.
 

The Manager and the Intern

One day, a manager, out hunting by himself, flushed an intern from a cubicle and gave chase. The frightened intern gave the manager a long run and escaped into the women’s bathroom. As the disappointed manager turned back towards home, a passing supervisor said jeeringly, “You are a fine manager! Aren’t you ashamed you let a little woman half your size get away from you?” “You forget,” replied the manager, “that I was only running for lust, but the intern was running for her job!”
 
Moral of the story: Your sexual harassment hi-jinks are frowned upon by the ladies.

Photo by UberZombie.

 

Brad and the Network Goober

Brad had gone down to the server room to see who had rebooted his server in the middle of the business day. Suddenly, he observed a chubby face glaring at him, and he became very frightened. Looking more closely, he found it was only a faux network administrator, such as the type used as a human shield during fierce gun battles. “Ah,” said Brad Brown, “you look very mean. It’s a pity you haven’t got any brains…and why in the hell did you reboot my server in the middle of the {expletive}-ing day?”
 
Moral of the story: At least the bastard wasn’t in charge of delivering packages.
 

The Manager and the Supervisor

A manager had been mismanaging a project he was in charge of, when suddenly his boss called and asked when the work would be done. He soon felt terrible pain in his head, and ran up and down the cubicle aisles groaning and seeking for someone to help with his problem. “I would give anything,” said he, “if someone would help me out.” At last, his minion (me), agreed to try, and told the manager to step aside while he corrected the messy work. Eight days later, the manager was praised for pulling off such a daring project.
 
Moral of the story: Gratitude and greed go not together.
 

The Young Guy and the Old-Timers

One summer’s day, a group of older employees were sitting in the cafeteria, talking for hours on end. A younger employee passed by, bearing along with great toil a huge ream of paper he was taking to his cubicle. “Why not come and chat with us,” said the old codgers, “instead of toiling and working in that way?” “I need to get these TPS reports done before tomorrow,” replied the young guy. “Why bother about the deadline?” asked one of the dinosaurs. “It’s not like they’re going to fire you.” But the young man went on his way and continued his toil. When the winter came, the young man was fired. As he was being escorted of the building, he saw the same group of men lounging leisurely. Then the former employee knew…
 
Moral of the story: It’s safer to sit in the cafeteria all day rather than do real work.
 

 

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