How To Sneak Liquor Into A Concert
- Step 1: Take off your pants. If you need help, seek assistance from a close friend.
- Step 2: If you’re male, tuck in your naughty bits to make room. If you’re well-endowed like the parsnip below, allow for extra time for tucking. If you’re female, skip to step 3.
- Step 3: Remove the Fruit of The Loom from your head and put it on like a normal person.
- Step 4: Find a roll of duck tape [also known as “duct tape”]. It’ll be next to your new issue of Stalker Monthly.
- Step 5: Begin taping liquor bottles near your crotch. The closer they are to your crotch, the less of a chance they’ll be found by an overzealous security guard. Avoid taping your naughty bits or legs.
- Step 6: You’re done! The bottles are in place. Put your pants back on and you’re ready to go see Def Leppard!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this installment of BradBrown.com’s “How To” series. Next time, the topic will be “How To Remove Liquor Bottles Taped To Your Crotch While At a Concert.”
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I usually advise the shaving of legs and crotch first, but I firmly believe everyone has the right to sneak booze whichever way they want
XUP’s last blog post..Legislated Politeness
This is a great idea. Only problem I see is if you get a female security guard that wants to get frisky when she “accidentally” bumps one of the bottles and thinks it is something else.
@XUP - Shaving of the crotch…I think I’ve found my next topic.
@Danny - That sounds like a Penthouse letter to me! I like your ideas and want to subscribe to your newsletter.